Ask A Death Doula #
Annoucing Doulagivers Level 1 End of Life Doula Training Veterans Edition
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Episode Show Notes
1.We Have to Start Being Guided by Our Hearts [6:32] – We have to break the cycle of living from a place that is guided by our ego. A place that leads to pointing fingers and creates hate and division and that comes from a place of fear, shame, and guilt. We must instead allow our heart guidance system to show us the way forward so that we can change our world for the better. We have really lost our way in nearly every category imaginable – the way we treat each other, the way we treat our planet, the way we treat animals. If we live only through our egos, we will continue down a path of destruction. So, remember that we all have a choice to allow our heart guidance to show us the way and we should allow it to do just that.
2.Sobering Veteran Statistics [10:56] – Our veterans have always been an area of so much pain and suffering. They are asked to stand up for their country – to fight for and protect the freedoms that the rest of us enjoy. We applaud them and celebrate them for their heroism during their active duty – but what happens on the other side of their service? They usually fall through the cracks after they have experienced life-changing trauma from combat situations. In my experience, veterans have been some of the most challenging end of life patients to work with because they have such complicated grief and past experiences that heavily burden them. The depths of trauma they go through are almost impossible to reach. Only another veteran knows what that feels like, so Doulagivers is excited to announce that we have partnered with a veteran expert to create a Veteran’s Edition of our world-renowned Doulagivers 90-Minute Level 1 End of Life Doula Live Webinar Training. This is so important and needed when we look at veteran statistics – I want to share some eye-opening facts with you. There are more than 19 million veterans currently living in the United States – approximately 1,800 veterans die each day. There are over 9 million veterans over the age of 65 in the United States. The more specific eldercare and end of life care services we can put in place for this population, the better. Vietnam veterans make up the largest share of elder veterans. An average of 20 veterans die by suicide each and every day. What can we do right now to show up for an expand support for our veterans?
3.Bringing in a Veteran Expert [21:05] – Dr. Qwynn Galloway-Salazar is a U.S. Army veteran and the spouse of a combat veteran. She is the founder of In Their Honor LLC and her life’s work is dedicating her end-of-life education to veterans their families. She is an end-of-life doula and educator. She has collaborated with us at Doulagivers to bring in veteran-specific knowledge to our Level 1 End of Life Doula Training to properly support these veterans in one of their greatest times of need. We met each other through a mutual colleague, Dr. Karen Wyatt, and her End-of-Life University Podcast. I saw her interview on the podcast and I fell in love with her passion for caring for veterans at end of life. I reached out to her shortly after and it led us to working together to create the Doulagivers Level 1 End of Life Doula Training Veteran’s Edition.
4.Dedication to Clinton Wyatt [24:20] – Dr. Karen Wyatt is a dear friend of mine and her End-of-Life University Podcast is a beautiful platform where she shares so much great information. Because of that podcast, I was able to connect with Dr. Qwynn Galloway-Salazar and we were able to create this wonderful offering to veterans that I believe is going to have a big impact on their lives. I am eternally grateful to Dr. Wyatt for making this connection possible and all the work she does – particularly with helping to educate people on how to deal with death by suicide. She shares the beautiful story of her father, Clinton Wyatt, who was a WWII veteran. He was a wonderful soul, and he had a miraculous journey and faced many struggles as a veteran. Dr. Qwynn Galloway-Salazar and I would like to dedicate the Doulagivers Level 1 End of Life Doula Training Veteran’s Edition in his memory and honor.
5. FREE Doulagivers Level 1 End of Life Doula Training Veteran’s Edition [26:37] – This training is always free, so please share it with anybody you’d like that you think can benefit from it! It will be a 90-Minute live virtual workshop on Zoom held Wednesday, July 27th at 7pm ET.
PLEASE Rate & Review this Podcast: This will help us reach more people and share the free trainings!
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
Hello everyone. And welcome to this episode of ASCA death doula. My name is Susan O’Brien. Thank you so much for joining me today. Today is going to be a incredibly important episode that we have and quite sobering, actually. So as I do my research and get ready to record the podcast, you know, I go over my notes and I go over different information. And this is a tough one. This is a really tough one because there’s so much suffering attached to our veterans. And there’s so much neglect that this is never a place of judgment or finger pointing or any of that. What this platform is, is a way that we can look at everything really clearly with our hearts and say, where are we now? How did we get lost? And what do we need to make positive change moving forward? So welcome to ask a death doula today’s episode is the announcement of the doula giver’s end of life, doula level one veteran’s edition.
Speaker 1 (01:11):
And why do we need a specific veteran’s edition? Because this population is so unique is so neglected and has specific needs, especially at the end of life that we, we need to teach one another and caregivers and people who are going to be of assistance to veterans on how they can best support them. So I wanna share with you that, in my opinion, from my background as a hospice nurse and a oncology nurse, is that some of the most difficult end of life were my veterans. And I’m gonna explain to you and share some stories with you today, but also let you know that with the extensive bedside experience I have, and I’ve been honored and privileged to be with over a thousand people at the end of life, my veterans have been the most difficult end of life. So I really didn’t know how to reach them.
Speaker 1 (02:09):
I did not know how to get to those depths, um, that of trauma of what they experienced in their journey, how to assist them at this last special time of end of life, where that’s all we’ve got, we’ve only got this space at the end of life, and we only have one opportunity to have it go well. So doing research and reaching out there’s specific needs that veterans are requiring again in that kind of support, not just at the end of life, but we need to always take the beautiful learning that we have at the end of life and roll it back. So it’s wonderful that we are focusing on end of life because yes, it’s not going well for most people. So that is an extremely important obviously spotlight to have, but the gift of what we learn from those at the end of life, the gifts about how to live about how we’re all connected about compassion, about how you spend your time being the most important decision you’ll ever make and who you choose to spend it with.
Speaker 1 (03:12):
And then what can we do to show up to be the best of, are you humanity for others? This is, this is our moment. We’ve this is it. This is all we’ve got guys, you know, this as well as I do. Like there’s no more time to waste. We’re either going to wake up. And that’s what, you know, you do, obviously a lot of, you know, searching within your self about the world that we live in now and how things are happening and why, and what is the meaning here? Well, for me, um, these really heinous difficult experiences that we keep seeing is, is the wake up, is the wake up that when there’s such injustice and pain and things going on, you have your individual moment to say, how am I showing up in this experience to contribute? And it starts with you. So it starts with how are you showing up for yourself with your work, with your self love, with your dynamic personally, and then of course, collectively, so this is our moment and this is all we’ve got, we’re not gonna get so many choices moving forward.
Speaker 1 (04:28):
So let’s do this together, right? And I also wanna share with you that it’s so much easier than you think to actually go with the flow and surrender and be part of, again, that loving energy of the collective mind, as opposed to the Hess. So when I think of, and we do, you know, we do a lot of talking and doula givers about what we’ve learned at the end of life, with the heart direction, your heart guidance system, your soul, your higher being, your true self and your ego, mind, your analytical mind, your programmed mind. And there’s two directional that you are always gonna be a part of. And it’s understanding which one is directing you and why. And if you look at the chaos in the world today, and yes, you get, you know, so angry and sad and overwhelmed when you see these things happen in our world. But if we stay in that loop of anger, it’s like a dog chasing its tail, right? So we’re screaming at this group and we are screaming for change and yes, change needs to be made, but it’s in what energetic flow do we do that? And how do we do that? It’s not just one law needing to be changed. It’s the whole focus of our intention and how we’re treating one another and how we’re showing up. So if we stay in that loop of, again, that fear, that anger, that shame, that all of it,
Speaker 2 (05:56):
You’re staying in that energetic loop of going round and round. When you can say, we’ve got to change the way that we’re living in this world, and we’ve gotta meet each other with no judgment and with compassion because everyone, everyone they’re caring, burdens that we have no idea about and this pointing fingers and separate and, and division. And all of it is again, just the destruction destruction of this whole entire existence that we have. So we’ve gotta, we’ve gotta get out of the ego mind that keeps us separate and pointing fingers, fear, shame, guilt, all of that. And we’ve gotta start to focus on that heart direction and with no judgment, but major observation. We’ve gotta look at what we have been doing wrong. And I’ll just say it right now, pretty much almost in every category, the way we treat each other, the way we treat our planet, the way we treat our animals, we’ve really lost our way.
Speaker 2 (07:06):
And if you go back to what I just shared with you about the ego mind, it will just destroy itself. And if we live only with that direction, well, you see what’s happening in the world. So let’s go and remember that we have a heart guidance that we’re all connected to. And by the way, people at the end of life will share that we’re all connected to one unconditional loving consciousness. So when we are aware of that, and when you bring death back into the fold of understanding about life, cuz right now it’s the number one fear in the world. So we don’t know about it. We don’t talk about it. We don’t plan for it. And we’re missing out on the greatest teacher about how to live. So when people share, and this is again, collectively, so many people at the end of life will share as they get their spiritual eyes.
Speaker 2 (07:57):
And let me explain what that is as their physical body is diminishing, cuz this is so exciting as their physical body is diminishing, cuz we’re four bodies of energy, physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual. And as their physical body is diminishing their spiritual body’s growing and organically. There’s one place in that journey that they have one foot in this world and one foot in the next and they get their spiritual eyes. What I call their spiritual eyes, their spiritual wisdom. And all of a sudden they get all of this new information and they say, I get it. Now I understand why everything happened. That everything was meant for a reason. I understand why that happened. I understand that. And they say, we’re all connected. We are all connected that there is no death. That life continues on that. This was just a journey in this experience to learn for your soul’s evolution,
Speaker 3 (08:55):
To learn the mastery of love and unconditional love. And so there’s this beautiful space where they get this wisdom. And if we knew that if you knew that if we share that amongst us, especially that we’re all connected. So if we’re all connected, what happens to you happens to me and I sure will absolutely shower you with love because that’s the way I wanna be. So it will change our world to bring back the sacredness of end of life. But there’s, this is our moment to really objectively again, look at things and say, okay, we’ve completely completely lost our way we let the ego mind direct us. And it is, it destroys itself. So it just will cuz that’s, that’s the, the name of the game and the, and the goal because there’s only one winner and you are separate and you are the enemy.
Speaker 3 (09:53):
And so it’s pointing fingers everywhere. And so it just goes and you see it, it’s happening all over. So let’s, let’s take a minute, let’s get grounded and let’s go into that heart centered part of us. If you do three deep breaths and you just really ground yourself that settles the nervous system, it also takes you into the parasympathetic energy flow and you can really access that beautiful, grounded heart part of yourself. And let’s, let’s operate from that directional. Okay. And so let’s look, let’s put everything out on the table and let’s look at where we are in our world and say, okay, we lost our way, but now we know better. And now what do we need to do? What do we need to put in place that we can move forward, caring for one another with the best of what humanity has to offer because you guys, we have this, we have this capability, we just haven’t been practicing it. So let’s talk about our veterans today. Our veterans have always been something that I could get extremely emotional on this. Our veterans have always been an area of so much pain and suffering and I Al and I looked at this for a long time when we ask people to stand up for their country and to fight and to protect and the ads that we see and the do it and the go for it. And you are the best and all of this hero, you know, please, this is amazing if you do this, what an amazing person and you are. And then what happens on the other side of it? What happens after our veterans serve
Speaker 1 (11:52):
In combat? It’s almost the complete opposite. We just let them fall through the cracks. Sometimes we actually, you know, treat the, treat them terribly. We definitely aren’t supporting them. We’re not taking care of their trauma and their pain on so many different levels. So I wanna speak to you today about the end of life and the support of veterans, because my work as a hospice nurse oncology nurse, and as a doula giver, my veterans have been the most challenging end of lifes I’ve ever had. And I have a lot in my toolbox and a lot of experiences and the depths of trauma that they go through is almost impossible to reach at that point. But I, I also didn’t have the tools cuz I don’t know what people go through. I don’t know the culture of what that’s like with veterans. Um, only a veteran, only another veteran knows.
Speaker 1 (12:52):
So I am so happy to announce that we now have the end of life, doula level one veterans edition, which takes our renowned level one end of life doula training that has been used by over a hundred thousand people worldwide here. And we’re so honored for that. And of course that’s always given for free and we’ve brought in specific tools for veterans, for caring for veterans. So let me share with you about that. And then I’m gonna invite you to the free training and to share it with whoever you would like to. So we have the announcement of the veterans edition for the end of life, doula training. Um, today the second part is I just, again, I wanna share with you some statistics on the importance and why this is so needed and this is it’s, it’s sobering, you know, it’s, it’s just sobering when you hear these things, but I wanna share with you that when we get uncomfortable with the reality of where we are and you know, the unfortunate places that we’ve created, um, it’s only it and it’s sobering and it’s uncomfortable, but then we can say, okay, we know what we have now, what do we do to move forward?
Speaker 1 (14:01):
Right? Because that’s the best thing that we could possibly do. Put that love in motion, in any areas of your life. You know, this journey is about learning. And one of the best things we could ever do is say, we haven’t been doing the right thing. I haven’t been doing the right thing. We’re not doing the right thing. How do I make that change? That is growth. And that is the evolution, um, that we’re supposed to be experiencing. So when we take these moments of really looking at the dark place that we’re at now, think of the beauty, because the light is on the other side. So I just wanna have that kind of, um, you know, glimmer of hope for you because you know, it’s very hard to hear these things where we are, but that’s where we create change. So there are more than 19 million veterans living in the United States
Speaker 2 (14:51):
Right now, 1800 veterans die each day, 1800 veterans die each day. There are 9 million, 180,714 veterans aged 65 or over. And why is that important? It’s super important because we know as we age and get older, we’re gonna be looking closer to that end of life, need support, volume, what we need. So we have a huge amount that needs. And as soon as we can put specific support for this population, the better, uh, Vietnam veterans are the largest population and let’s not even, you know, go heavy into the different, uh, experiences and traumas related to different wars that our veterans served in. But I think we all are well aware that the Vietnam war, uh, had a lot of, um, opinions and energy and specific traumas to them. So the veterans that served in that war were, um, you know, have a, I I’m trying to always be gentle in some of the things that I share, but they were almost shamed and not supported.
Speaker 2 (16:16):
And yet we asked them, this is, this is where the, it is so difficult for me. We asked them to please stand up for me, for my family, for my children, protect us. We ask them to put their lives on the line for us. And then what did we do on the other side of it? What did we do on the other side of it, point fingers at them, shame them. Now they have all this trauma and pain and post-traumatic stress disorder. And we just, so we got so again where we are so where we need to go. So just knowing that the Vietnam veterans are the largest population is extremely important to know the levels of intensity that that war brought forth. Here’s another statistic. There are 20 suicides every single day by veterans. And this is a, a very big issue is suicide.
Speaker 2 (17:12):
So again, creating support, not just at the end of life, but bringing this back into what we can do today. And every single day of this beautiful journey of life, based on again, the focus of end of life, what does it teach us? So we’re not just showing up at the end, let’s show up. Now, what can we do now to create more support for veterans and their families? So, you know, this is largely again, due to the post traumatic stress disorder, the feelings of separateness, the unprocessed grief that they have of, you know, the things that they were part of, the things of witnessing their, um, you know, people in their platoons and just the array of things that they have gone through. So the 20 suicides, every single day is very significant. And we also, um, hope to be able to show up and shine, light more on what we can do today for people.
Speaker 2 (18:11):
So those are statistics and they’re quite sobering in my opinion. And I hope yours too, of our veterans in the present state of where we are today. Now I wanna share with you that again, I had said that I have extensive background in hospice and oncology and have worked with so many people from different cultures and around the world. And my veterans have been the most difficult end of lifes I’ve ever had. I remember my first veteran, um, there was a lot obviously going on for him and his family and he did not want to have his end of life because he said that he was going to go. And he said, because of the things he did, he said, I’m going. So he was, you know, saying that he was gonna go to hell for the things that he had done. And I, you know, I think that again, we have to remember that we ask our soldiers, they’re being given orders to do things.
Speaker 2 (19:13):
So this is going to be significant when we talk about forgiveness in a minute, because forgiveness is always the tool for transformation. I’m not saying it’s easy. I’m not saying it’s always accomplished, but it’s the tool. And we need to be able to bring that in. So this veteran, I have been with a lot of people and I have never, in my life, seen somebody so thin, so he would not die. He would not let himself die. And there’s, you know, three ways that three reasons I always will talk about. If people are in their sleeping coma at the end of life, it’s usually within a few days that they’ll have their actual physical end of life for that physical body. And this person, he must have been on like day 12. He did have a very small IV going. So he had some fluids, but not much at all, but again, I’ve never ever, and I’ve seen a lot of thin people.
Speaker 2 (20:11):
I have never seen somebody just initiat hanging on because he was so fearful. Now he was in his sleep comma. He was not speaking anymore. He was not awake anymore. And he would not let himself have his end of life one afternoon. The last day of his life, I came to the house and I remember that his daughter was there caring for him. And I remember that his back, the skin on his back just started to open up because there was nothing left to him, no tissue, the fluids and his back just started. The skin started to rip open
Speaker 1 (20:47):
And I just went home and prayed that night that he would have his end of life. And he did, but he was holding on because he was so resistant to what was next because of the trauma, because of the unprocessed grief, because of the things that we’re talking about, that veterans suffer from. So we brought in a beautiful expert, Dr. Quinn, Galloway Salazar. So like I said, nobody understands veterans like another veteran so we can show up. And I hope we all do with as much compassion and empathy and intention, but unless we specifically have walked or, you know, know that area, we don’t know that area. So we can’t ever assume that we do. So bringing in experts within that space is exactly what’s needed and that’s what we’ve done. So Dr. Quinn Galloway Salar is a us army veteran. She’s also the spouse to a combat veteran and a mother she’s the founder of in their honor, LLC. This is her life’s work is dedicating her end of life, education to veterans in their families. And she’s an end of life, doula and educator. So how wonderful that we were able to find this woman and then to bring her in and that she is adding these beautiful, specific veteran interventions to our level one end of life, doula, doula, giver training. So I, I wanna share with you how I met this wonderful woman, because I just love these stories, right?
Speaker 1 (22:23):
So I was listening to, if you don’t know about the end of life university podcast by Dr. Karen White, it is incredible. And she’s one of my favorite people in the world. You, if you know her, you know exactly what I’m talking about, she is just the example of the good that’s in this world with love and education and no judgment and just beautiful. So she has this beautiful podcast end of life university. And she had Dr. Quinn Galloway Salazar as a guest. And I saw this podcast pop up and it said, you know, caring for veterans at the end of life. And I was like, oh, I have to hear this. This is wonderful. And I listened to it and I just fell in love with Quinn and her heart and her passion and her compassion. And I commented to her on the podcast. And I just said, you know, what, a beautiful podcast and how wonderful, and this is so important.
Speaker 1 (23:23):
And then she reached out to me and the next thing you know, we did a, I wanted to give a little bit more spotlight to this, this great podcast. So I asked if she would like to do an Instagram live and she did. So she showed up, we did Instagram live. We talked about it. She talked about the veterans. And during that live, which I will share with you all, um, you know, I said, if you ever want, I wanna help you. I wanna help you in your mission to help veterans and their families. And if there’s anything I can do, if I can offer you the level one, you know, that you can go teach that, cuz it works so well. And if you wanna add, you know, specifics to it for veterans, like let’s do this. And it was like really, and it like all kind of took shape, you know, in that moment.
Speaker 1 (24:07):
And then here we are actually doing it. So that was really beautiful. So this podcast, um, is just amazing when you look at the ripple effect that you have in the world by doing things. So, you know, Karen Wyat has a beautiful platform. Endof life university, where she shares so much great information. I, I listened to that podcast. I made a comment on social media to, to, you know, Dr. Quinn gal, Galloway, Salazar, she contacted me. And the next thing you know, it sort of, you know, develops into much bigger, um, offering. And that’s how things work, which is really wonderful. So never underestimate just the, you know, the kind of the trail that the universe has for you and things that you do. So because we and Dr. Quinn we’ve talked about this because we met through Dr. Karen Wyat and Dr. Karen Wyat will share this beautiful.
Speaker 1 (25:04):
All her work is beautiful, but she shares a wonderful training that she has about supporting people with suicide and understanding that aspect of end of life. And she shares her beautiful journey of her father who had been, um, a veteran. He was a veteran and he had gone through and what a beautiful man, what a beautiful, beautiful, beautiful soul he is and sharing his journey and his struggles as a veteran and what, what we can learn from that we wanted to Dr. Quinn, and I dedicate this veteran’s edition of doula giver’s level one end of life, doula training to Dr. Karen wyat’s father Clinton. Wyat. He is a, his memory in his honor because he brought this together. And what I love is that he continues to teach us. So when people aren’t even physically here anymore, the impact that people can still have is tremendous.
Speaker 1 (26:11):
So he’s a world war II veteran. This is dedicated to Clinton, Wyat in his memory, this division of what we do as we pay it forward again, with what he’s taught us of what we need to do to, in order to help veterans and families moving forward. And it is just an honor to be able to do that. So that is the thread of what we wanted to share. Now, I wanna share with you how you can take part in the very first live veteran’s edition end of life, doula training. It is going to be it’s free. This is always free. So please share with whoever you want. It is going to be a 90 minute virtual workshop on zoom. It’s gonna be July 27th at 7:00 PM. Eastern time. We are gonna be on there teaching the end of life, doula training in the three phases, the interventions to use, and then there’s going to be a special focus for the needs of our military veterans.
Speaker 1 (27:14):
And we’re inviting all veterans, all families of veterans care, or all caregivers, anyone who wants his education to please join us and to please share this. Um, I really also have the vision and we talked about this with Dr. Quinn, is that, wouldn’t it be just amazing? And this is, this is our intention and goal is to have a training that is free, that is available to veterans who would like to be there to care for veterans at the end of life, because, and I’ll share what she has shared with me. And I, and I know this to be true.
Speaker 1 (27:54):
The bond between one veteran in another is completely unique. And the trust that that relationship has is really that key to unlocking an ability, if it’s meant to be there for someone to be able to share their deep pain and trauma. Okay. So veterans have a significant space here that only they can fill to be able to create that again, relationship that’s very unique between a veteran one veteran and another, because no one else could ever understand that relationship or what that journey is like. And at the end of life, to build the trust, to have somebody be able to let their walls down so that they can actually share the burden that’s on their heart, share the things that are, you know, uh, fearful or anything in this space. If it’s going to be done, it probably most likely will only be shared with somebody else who understands that. So we wanna have a veteran’s volunteer division where we will train veterans with everything. We’ve got free training, we’ll put up the trainings, we’ll do whatever we can do if they would like to then be that support for their fellow veteran. And what that allows them to do is to continue on with the beautiful service that their life has, has always given.
Speaker 1 (29:33):
So I think that we have something incredibly powerful here and empowering and beautiful and loving. And I hope that you join me in this workshop. And if you could share this on your social media or wherever you can with people so that the people who wanna take this can find us it’s time, it’s time to come together. And it’s time to rewrite the future, which is, this is our opportunity to do just that. So I’m inviting you again, July 27th, 7:00 PM, Eastern time live on June on zoom, and then we will stay on and answer your questions as well. And then we’ll have this training available for people. We’ll do it in person, and we’ll also have a, um, a recording of it. So it’s downloadable. So it’s, it is in a very exciting moment. And before we end, um, I just wanted to share that the honor of what we do here is so very important because this is the change that we’re being called to make in the world.
Speaker 1 (30:38):
And I wanna end the podcast with something that Clinton Wyat shared with his daughter, Dr. Karen Wyat, as they were talking, he said one day that these roads can be tricky sometimes meaning life, and yes they can. But when we come together with that hard guidance, we can change the world. So thank you so very much for showing up and being part of that change. I love you guys so very much. I will see you in the webinar. Thank you for being here. This is ASCA death doula. My name is Susan O’Brien. I will see you in the next episode by everybody.