Ask a Death Doula Podcast: Forgiveness at the End of Life and Why You Should Not Wait

 Released: 11/02/2022

 Guest: None

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Ask a Death Doula Podcast: Forgiveness at the End of Life and Why You Should Not Wait

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 Released: 11/02/2022

 Guest: None

#deathdoulas, #endoflifecare, #forgiveness, #regrets, and #unforgiveness

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Speaker 1 (00:02):

Hello everyone, and welcome to this episode of Ask a Death doula. My name is Suzanne O’Brien. Today’s podcast is so important for every single person in the world. It is about forgiveness, and it is titled Forgiveness at the End of Life and Why You Should Not Wait. So, I will often reference and say that working with those at the end of life has taught me everything about how to live. And I will say one of the major components of what I’ve learned is forgiveness and the power of forgiveness about giving you back your life in all of its beauty and purpose and what you are here to actually accomplish. So if I may, I just wanna start out by sharing that my name is Susan O’Brien. I have a background. I am a registered nurse and I have worked most of my nursing career in oncology, which is cancer care and hospice, which is end of life care.

(01:04):

From the minute that I started working in that space with those at the end of life, it started to teach me everything about how to live. And there were themes, there were common themes that I was noticing immediately with my end of life patients that they were all going through and all saying the same things. And one of these things is about forgiveness. So when you are working with somebody at the end of life, and I wanna share with you that there is an organic support system at the end of life that facilitates the ability for us to change our perspective and look at our life’s journey in a different way than when we were actively being, um, part of the journey. So let me first share by saying that we are holistic beings in our nature, physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual. At the end of life, the physical body’s diminishing, right?

(02:04):

So that physical being that part of us, that human part is diminishing. And the spiritual part, your wisdom, your soul self is increasing. And there’s a part in the journey where the this part is diminishing, this part is growing and there’s one part where what I call people get their spiritual wisdom. There’s spiritual eyes. And so it’s an organic space at the end of life where people are able to now with a frequency, a higher wisdom frequency, that’s that being part of them able to look back at their life’s journey in circumstances that cause them pain and anger and shame and guilt and regret with a different lens on. And this lens changes everything about life. So the le what I’m gonna share with you that end of life patients will say is that they get this aha moment, They get this understanding when they get this spiritual wisdom, their, their spiritual eyes, they look back and things that again, maybe they’ve been holding onto with, with anger for 30, 40, 50 years, maybe longer.

(03:09):

And they say, I get it. Now I know why that happened. So everything starts to make sense. Now, what I’m being told by these beautiful people that are leaving this world, and they want you to know this, is that every single thing happened for a reason. And the most painful things we’ve gone through were our greatest opportunities for soul growth, for learning to get back in touch with our being part of us. So no matter what your circumstances are, no matter what your history, your story is, is that you are always that perfect being part. We lose touch with that. We, we get so far removed from that in this human journey. And that’s part of what I’m told this whole human experience is about removing ourselves from that peaceful, connected, higher wisdom soul part of us, and finding our way back again, no matter what the circumstances are, no matter what our story is.

(04:19):

And that’s gonna be very important what we talk about when we talk today about our story, the narrative that we, we go over and over again in our, our mind that keeps us stuck from living our purpose and, and the life that we’re here to live. But when you hear from end of life patients when they’re in that higher frequency state and can now look back at their lives, and I’m talking about things that have again, been extremely traumatic and painful, make sense of them, and also understand that those experiences were opportunities for them to evolve in their evolution of consciousness, their part of them. So when we look at, and again, working with so many people at the end of life and seeing this being a recurring theme, not only being a recurring theme, but the most beautiful end of life that I’ve ever witnessed have been because of the stabilization phase that they’ve had and their ability to utilize forgiveness, acceptance and find peace within that, that space at the end of life to release the energy blocks, to release all of the heavy weighted energy that comes with anger and regrets and resentment and all of that, and guilt, self-forgiveness, and being able to be these just beautiful, clear, energetic vessels that then had the most beautiful end of life.

(05:51):

So when you hear from end of life patients that say, and this is one key component to this, this, that there’s no judgment, that there is no judgment in the bigger picture, that everything we’ve experienced, that we’ve done, even things that we are not proud of, that we wish we hadn’t done, are opportunities for us to grow and to learn. And I think, you know, cuz I’ve obviously studied this for so very long now with patients and with the, my own journey is that the more sad, depressed, uh, lost that you feel you can directly relate it to the further away that you’ve gotten to that being part of you, that sole part of you and the end of life patients who organically have an opportunity because this is it, right? So they’re organically being supported by the bigger picture that’s going on here to wrap up loose ends, to come to that acceptance place before they have their end of life.

(07:01):

We want us to know, don’t wait, that forgiveness is beyond everything else, your most powerful and empowering tool to live the most magnificent life that you are here and meant to live. And we’re gonna explain a bit more about that when people at the end of life are sharing forgiveness. And you know, I had this one doula who she had a, and we all have it, right? She had a complicated relationship with her father. They were estranged. She got a call from her aunt saying that her father was dying and he wanted to see her. He was in the hospital and she really had to think about it. She didn’t wanna go and she almost wasn’t gonna go. And then she said, You know what, I’m gonna go. And she said, not two seconds after she walked through the door of that hospital room, he was like, I forgive you, please forgive me.

(07:56):

I love you. You know, he was just, uh, completely different energetic person. And she said she is so glad that she went. So it’s a gift not only for the people that are leaving this world, but for us that are here. But the most important thing that I want you to know is that you and I should be utilizing, and I hope we do, and I know I do, and I’m gonna share with you my story, the power of forgiveness. Now, while we still have this life journey to live and how absolutely releasing all that energy that keeps us stuck, that keeps us in that self-imposed prison, prevents us from living our lives, from being in that space of joy, being happy, being able to create and think about from a higher loving vibrational state, what do we want to create and contribute in this journey that we’re here connected to everyone and everything.

(08:55):

So the power of forgiveness is by far your tool, and we’re gonna share with you the importance of it. So for me, being the end of life doula and the hospice nurse, seeing forgiveness play out in so many of my beautiful patients, end of life’s that it’s, uh, an organic natural state, but also the difference that that made in the most beautiful actual end of lifes that I’ve ever seen is something that cannot be denied. Now we wanna talk about what is forgiveness. So forgiveness is, I just, you know, there’s a couple of things that we really have to get clear. Forgiveness is not just, it’s not a word. It’s not just, Oh, okay, I forgive you and it’s done. Oh, if it only worked that that easily, it it does not, That’s not how it works. It takes, it takes work. And I’m going to share with you some tools on how to do that.

(09:45):

But I will also tell you again that it’s not as hard as you think and the payoff is priceless. So forgiveness is a, um, it’s a process. It’s a process that you have to go through and we’re going to share with you obviously some ways to do that. But wanting you to know that you have something that you wanna forgive, you have someone that you wanna forgive, you have something that you wanna forgive, and it will take time to do that. It’ll take a process time to do that. But with, with commitment, with intention and with consistency, you can get there. And when you move, so think of it as having this big boulder that is blocking you, or even like something, a boulder that you have to carry on your back. Let’s use that. When you have unforgiveness and you have something, it is draining you every single day.

(10:42):

When you don’t move that energy, when you are just, it’s stuck, it’s keeping you. All you can do is to try and get through each day. You know, you might be suffering from depression or even anxiety. Um, forgiveness is gonna be a big part of how you can move past that. So think in terms of unforgiveness as carrying around this weighted boulder or backpack and going uphill every single day. When you forgive, when you’re able to make that shift, you can take that backpack, you can put it down and you can say, Okay, what do I wanna do now? Where do I wanna go? What do I wanna do? Like, you’re free to make your future, anything and everything that you want it to be. So the power is so important there. The other thing that is so important and misunderstood as well is forgiveness is not for the other person, it’s for you.

(11:35):

So let’s use the example that if someone hurt you, and this is part of, and I understand how hard this is, this is part of the journey that we’re on in this thing called life, is to go through experiences, to go through the duality of it all, to go through the heavy moments, the painful, and to experience the love and the the joy and to find, navigate our way that we can live in a vibrational state of being, not of the human ego heavy, oh, stressful, all of that going on, still gonna be there. But when you can know your tools and utilize your power, forgiveness and do things to create a more flow of your life, you’re in a place of responding, not reactive to those things that happen. Things will happen. And you’re able to say, Okay, what is here for me to learn?

(12:38):

And then release it so that again, you’re continued to be able to flow in a higher vibration of, of happiness and joy, um, within the same earth journey, which is really amazing. So this is incredibly important in understanding that the forgiveness is for you, it’s not for the other person. You know, many times that person, they might not even remember that they did something to you. They may not even be alive. So know that forgiveness can be achieved without that person being alive, without them having to, might not even be appropriate for they, for them to say, you might not even know where that person is to be able to have a dialogue. And it might not, again, be ever appropriate to do so. You don’t have to, you can forgive. And I want you to think of forgiveness for you as cutting an energetic cord that is attached to you, that is consistently draining your energy, your freeing yourself from that energy.

(13:37):

And I will tell you that I have some in our forgiveness course, that we do what I call forgiveness heroes. And you hear from some people that have gone through things in their life that you can’t wrap your head around how they forgave the other person. But they did. And the reason that they did is because they said they would have to, if they were gonna survive, if they were gonna have a life, they needed to forgive them. So if they can, we all can. So that’s how important that is. What is the difference? Forgiveness is not forgetting. So it’s not excusing, it’s not forgetting, it’s not saying that that person’s not responsible for what they did. Everyone is held accountable. But again, I wanna come to you from a place of above soul growth and thinking of this life journey as the evolution of experiencing things so that we can evolve to a higher place of consciousness, a higher place of love.

(14:43):

And it all is about self love because you can’t love others until you find that beautiful self love with yourself. And you know, recently I’ve been thinking that, you know, everyone talks about finding the love of your life. Have you found the love of your life yet? And are you seeking the love of life? And where is the love of your life? The love of your life is you, The love of your life that you’re seeking is you. And when you find that, and when you embody that, you will find the counterpart to that. But it starts with you. And so this forgiveness is the way to get there, because now let’s shift for a minute about the two types of forgiveness. There’s forgiveness of others, and then there’s forgiveness of ourselves. Which do you think is the harder one to do?

(15:40):

Forgiveness of ourselves? So let’s go back to what end of life patients say for a minute. And I wanna share with you how important this is to really, really bring this into your heart, is that when end of life patients talk about and they get this wisdom and they all say it, that everything was meant for a reason and that there’s no judgment. So there’s no one above judging anything, judging us. We’re the ones who create a world where we are suffering. We create that if we choose to, if we choose to be angry, if we choose to be doing things that are unconscious and hurting other people and those kind of things, we create this, you know, this really heavy world that we’re living in. And, and conversely, if we choose to do our work and to let our hearts lead us, not the human part, not the ego, not the competitive, that you know that I have to get it, I need more, it’s all about me.

(16:45):

Okay? So that’s ego, that’s the mind. If you let your being part, your heart guidance lead you, you can have a life that is connected to all that is flowing in that feeling, that is feeling the joy, feeling that love. Um, and so which one would you wanna choose? Of course. And it is a choice, so we just need to be aware of it for the first part. So forgiving ourselves is the hardest thing. So let’s go back to that. There’s no judgment. So let’s just go back to, let’s just, I’m going, I’m gonna do a scenario. Let’s say you were hurt as a child, okay? Lots of posttraumatic stress disorder, lots of anger with that, lots of shame with that, lots of whatever comes about because it can have a hole and it usually does. And you get, you’re growing and you get to be, you know, a teenager and you’re acting out and then you’re in your twenties and maybe, you know, still you’re angry and maybe, you know, you’re just getting pictures of the abuse or whatever it was, but you’re just super angry and you’re just confused and disconnected in all of that.

(17:54):

And you may be doing things that are self-sabotaging or self medicating. I call two things that we do in life for the most part, for either runners or numbers, or both, or you could be both. So when you have things that we wanna avoid, right, because there’s no judgment here, but things that we experience are very painful, that it’s, we’re just trying to survive. Especially when you’re hurt as a child, you’re just trying to survive. So it’s not the time that you can face what you need to face as far as forgiveness of that. And that’s okay. So we tend to either run, so keep ourselves super busy, run, doing a bunch of things, doing this, doing that, doing other things so we don’t have to ever be still and face those feelings or emotions or we are numbers, which can be, again, using alcohol or drugs or food or whatever it is to try and numb the, the feelings again.

(18:52):

Or maybe a combination of both. And again, there’s no judgment here, but it’s very important to know that remember that boulder that’s on your back. It’s not gonna move unless we have the tools and we, we utilize the tools of forgiveness with it to release it. You can, you can run, but you can’t hide. My dad used to always say that. He used to always say that when we were little. You can run, but you can’t hide. So it’ll, you can run as fast as you want for as long as you want. It’s always gonna catch up with you. And this is really true. And again, if you come from that space of love, that there’s no judgment, it allows you to approach these scenarios and dynamics with compassion, with empathy, including, and maybe the most important for yourself. Because again, using that example of a child who’s hurt, grows up is angry, confused, and you know, doing things and then is guilty or feeling guilty about maybe actions that they’ve done to others, to themselves or whatnot.

(19:56):

And now you’ve got a whole chest full of unforgiveness, of anger of things. And some people think they just could never get away from that, that, that that’s their story. And that they almost are ruined at this point because they’re, you can’t go back and change that forgiveness. There’s no judgment. It’s all about learning to love. So you can change it. You are not your story. And I wanna talk to you about unforgiveness right now as a medical diagnosis. Working with those in oncology, cancer care in the end of life has just been the most beautiful journey that I have ever experienced. But it has taught me, again, things that have opened up the world in a completely different way, um, for me. And one of the things that was really powerful, really powerful is how, um, I remember when I was a doula, a young doula, I was working with a woman who was about 52 years old.

(21:03):

So very young. She was dying, she was on hospice, she lived alone. We were doing round the clock shifts with her. And I remember being with her in her home and this one day and she just said, she goes, I know why I got sick. I know why I got cancer. And I was like, I’m thinking why? And she said, Because I was so angry at my dad. I’ve been so angry at my dad my whole life. And when she was saying this, it’s almost, it was almost so, um, different in its energetic wisdom because she wasn’t saying it in anger, she wasn’t saying it in regret. She was almost saying it with just this amazing clarity that was almost bringing her some peace. So she said, I’ve just been so angry at my father and that’s why I got cancer. And she’s probably right because unforgiveness is now a medical diagnosis.

(22:05):

So let me share with you a few of the things that I’ve researched and gone over with how forgiveness plays such a impactful role on your health. And again, we’re gonna teach you today, we’re gonna talk about techniques to move that forgiveness so that you can have the most beautiful journey while you’re here. And of course, when you clean your en energy and clear your energy, you can then say, what do I wanna do with this beautiful life that I’ve been given? What am I here for? What is my heart directing me? Where is it directing me to go? What is it directing me to do? You don’t have these boulders, these prison walls that are keeping you stuck from being able to access that. So we want to talk about the medical diagnosis of unforgiveness, and I want to, um, show you some of the things that I’ve learned.

(23:02):

So not just at end of life, but that’s a very big part of it. But they’ve talked about finding that forgiveness can refuge rewards for your health with lowering the risk of heart attack, improving cholesterol levels, improving your sleep, reducing pain, blood pressure, anxiety, depression and stress and research points to an increase in the forgiveness health connection as you age. So I feel to me, and this is very important for those of you listening on this podcast, that forgiveness is your tool. However, I I will often say that the mid age, um, you know, people would say, Oh, they’re having a midlife crisis. I don’t believe that the midlife is a crisis point. I believe it’s an energetic opportunity for us to look at our lives, to reassess, to make changes, to let go, um, because I see this all the time. So I do think that there is absolutely something happening at midlife, but I think it’s a reevaluation of saying it.

(24:06):

Do I want to continue on the path that I’m going with, the weight that I’m carrying around with me, with the life that I’m living that’s not on purpose? Or do I want to reevaluate and start making some changes and utilize forgiveness at this moment so that I can release what has been keeping me caged and held and I can live the rest of my life the way and the the point that you are here to do. So this is extremely important because I think that midlife and getting to that space opens up an opportunity that we can embrace this, um, this choice of forgiving even more easily. Of course, everyone should be using it, using it, but I think that there’s a real opportunity that supports you at, at that 40, 50 years old in your, um, journey. So the, I wanna quote that some of the things here that we, um, that we have pulled from different studies.

(25:05):

So there’s an enormous physical burden to being hurt and disappointed. There’s an enormous physical burden. And I’m gonna add in being betrayed because when I’ve worked with my patients and with my own journey, I feel like betrayal from people that were supposed to protect you and that you trusted just cuts to the cellular level. And that’s what’s really hard to overcome. Director of mood disorders, adult, uh, consultation clinic at the Johns Hopkins Hospital, Karen Schwartz MD talks about chronic anger puts you into a fight or flight mode. Chronic anger puts you in a fight or flight mode, which results in numerous changes in heart rate, blood pressure, immune response, and those changes then increase the risk of depression, heart disease, diabetes among other conditions, forgiveness, however, comms stress levels leading to improved health. So think about it, think about, let’s just make an analogy here, Think about unforgiveness and anger, right?

(26:11):

Having you step on the pedal of anger, the gas pedal of anger creates like an electric stress response in your body constantly. So you’re, so, it just is just wreaking havoc on you. Not to mention the anger, energy, and emotion is keeping you stuck from being able to live in that higher vibration. So it’s so important on so many levels physically and also in an energetic space to move it, we have to be ready to do so, but the rewards of doing that are absolutely everything. So keeping stuck in that space of hurt, resentment, anger is going to wreak havoc on your body and your stress and your inflammation and diseases just coming about. And pain and pain studies have found that people who hang on to grudges are more likely to experience severe depression and post-traumatic stress disorder as well as other health conditions. But that doesn’t mean that they can’t train themselves to act in healthier ways. In fact, 62% of American adults say they need more forgiveness in their per 62%. I think it’s much higher than that. I think it’s much higher than that. I wanna go with probably 82% and I’m, and I think I’m being conservative, adults say that they need more forgiveness in their personal lives according, this was according to a survey by the nonprofit Fetzer Fetzer Institute.

(27:41):

What I want you to know is that forgiveness is your absolute tool to the best life you could possibly have. And I wanna share with you that when I was a doula giver in Thailand in 2019, I was able to do, um, I had the opportunity to do volunteer trainings all throughout the country of Thailand. Did 14 trainings in March of 2019. One of the best experiences of my life, one of the last trainings I did was at a temple in Thailand where people who were dying end of life critical, very, very critical illness would go and get care. And this beautiful temple, they had four ways that they were, um, treating people in that space. So one was that they took all the sugar outta the diet and lived a plant-based diet. Okay? So that’s, that’s one thing. Second was that they used meditation third that they, um, used yoga movement.

(28:44):

And fourth was the tool of forgiveness. And I remember sitting in a circle, and I’ll show you some of these, I’ll show you some of these pictures from this temple. I cannot wait to share this with you. Sitting in a circle with patients and hearing them, they’re all different ages. So it wasn’t just people that were, um, we know that people die of all and get sick of all at different ages. Hearing patients in this circle, at this temple say verbatim that being in this temple the last few months, weeks, whatever they’ve been, was the happiest time of their entire life. Okay, so stay with me on this. That people who now are facing end of life terminal illnesses say that the experience at this temple has been the happiest they have ever been in their entire life. And I’ll tell you why. Forgiveness, taking off the backpack, taking that boulder and getting rid of it, it freed up their whole energy field.

(29:52):

So now they’re at the end of life. Don’t know how much time they have, not much cuz we know that they have the end of life there. However, they’re saying it’s the happiest time they’ve ever had. And there have been occasionally people who went home. So one of the things about radical, um, cures and people who’ve had, you know, you’ve probably heard of it, you know, somebody who had stage four cancer and all of a sudden they were in remission. How did that happen? Studies that people have studied this talk about forgiveness, playing a huge role in people’s health changing dramatically. People who really embraced, really embraced, it’s not just a word, it’s an embodiment, it’s, it’s a transformation through the power of forgiveness, when they were able to do that, their bodies started to self heal. So this is so important. And again, this is not something that should wait till the end of life.

(30:50):

This is something that you and I can utilize right now. I’m gonna tell you about how to do that. And I’m also gonna tell you about the two different bodies of energy that consists us in our life. And I’m gonna tell you why. Again, we talk about at the end of life there is a support system, an organic way that the end of life is helping those individuals reach that space of clarity, perspective, wisdom. You and I in the beautiful human journey are gonna have to do a little more work to get there, but it’s okay, we’re gonna use the tools to do that. And the payoff is priceless. So let’s talk about, I wanna talk to you about the two different states of being, because this is really important in our life’s journey. There’s only two states of being, and this is so very important.

(31:42):

Why? Because when you under understand the two states of being in our journey, you understand why you, um, are experience a certain thing or maybe staying stuck or why you’re kind of, um, making choices through that directional or you know that you have a different directional that will again be your higher wisdom and your heart center. So we have only two states of being the heart guidance or the ego mind guidance. So your ego mental mind is everything that you’ve been programmed, everything your human part. Let’s just break it down really easy. You, you are a human being. You have a human part to you and you have a being part to you. You have a human part that’s gonna be that you know, um, fear and, and all the things that are, you know, how worth my worth is what I look like and how much money I have and what titles do I have and all that.

(32:44):

Sorry, nonsense. I’m gonna say it because that’s not the truth. That’s not who you are. And that’s, you know, your story just goes, your ego goes on with your story on and on and on. And then you have the higher wisdom. And remember, the people, the end of life, they access that higher wisdom organically because their frequency is changing as their physical human part’s diminishing. Their spiritual part is growing so organically they get to access that. You and I are gonna have to do a little more work with this, but it’s okay cuz cuz once you’re aware of it, you can get there. So two states are the human part and the being part true joy and hap happiness and, and fulfillment comes from your being part following your, which is connected to your heart. When we are living in a space of anxiety, depression, fear, anger, guilt or shame, you cannot access heart energy.

(33:33):

You cannot access the higher one when you have those energies that are again, the predominant way, telling the story, keeping you stuck. That’s why I talk about being in a prison. Because if I’m gonna be carrying around that anger, that shame, that guilt, that resentment, why me every day I can’t access my higher wisdom. That’s, I’m gonna be kept in a self-induced prison by that it is through the power of forgiveness that you can release these unwanted emotions and reclaim the pure loving and loved being that you are so that you are so you can find your purpose and live the extraordinary life that you came here to live. Everyone is here for a reason. Everyone has a purpose.

(34:20):

Remember this is not excusing the person, it’s not condoning their behavior, it’s releasing your energetic attachment to the experience and the story. Because when we have that story running and when we have anger and when we have shame and when we have guilt, it eats away at us. And again, when we’re stuck in that energy, we can’t do anything that’s of that higher heart guidance frequency. So, and it just keeps repetitively going over. There’s no judgment here. But I want you to ask yourself this right now. How have you been doing? How have you been doing and how have you been doing in the last five years? Have there been any major changes in your life or do you feel like you’re just treading water and trying to stay afloat, trying to, trying to hold it all together? If you utilize the power of forgiveness and you move those blocks, you open up your future to be anything and everything that it can possibly be.

(35:29):

So this is so important for you and I’m gonna give you now some simple tools to be able to practice forgiveness. Before I do that, I do wanna just share with you my forgiveness journey. When I was working with those at the end of life and I was seeing the power of this forgiveness, I started really doing a self inventory of my own life. And what was I carrying around with me that I hadn’t forgiven? We all have it, we all have multiple that we need to forgive and that we need to be forgiven for. And one of the things that is the tool that I use in doula givers with these beautiful patients at the end of life when we are talking about forgiveness and when we are trying to work through that and, and this is the best tool that I could share with you is that when you think about the situation that you were in the per, let’s use the person that hurt you for a minute.

(36:28):

Let’s, let’s look at that situation and what do you know of their story? What do you know their experiences and what they’ve been through? And we always wanna come with a place, it’s not excusing, but it’s gonna help us to release this attachment of no judgment. What do we know of what they have gone through? And let’s just say for a minute, I always think of that person that hurts somebody as a small child because it helps us to use switch anger to empathy. But also when we really can find out sometimes the stories of people in our family or what happened, um, you start to put it together, it starts to make sense that somebody was abused themselves or hurt themselves. And so what we always wanna go to is say, you know, was that person doing the best they could with where they were at the time? Not excusing, not condoning, but let’s say that you have a mother who is a heroin addict. I’m gonna use an extreme example, wasn’t present for you. Maybe you know, left you in dangerous situations and it’s terribly terrible, terrible scenario. We’re helping you to find a way that you can cut that energetic tie. And so when you think of somebody who’s a heroin addict, I mean from what I’ve seen, it’s almost like they’re just doing everything to survive minute to minute because they are just so sick, right? In their addiction.

(38:03):

So if I was going to wanna forgive them and I think of them as a hurt child and doing and having an addiction and doing the best they could is not excusing it, but it allows me to release it, it allows me to release it. So that’s one way. And again, now I want to take you for a minute. And when you are thinking of things that you want to be forgiven for, I want you to do this. And I want you to have so much love and compassion for yourself when you go back to that scenario of something that you are not proud of, that you wish you didn’t do. I want you to say this to yourself and I want you to ask this from your heart. Was I doing the best I could with where I was at the time? And I’m gonna tell you the answer is always going to be yes.

(38:51):

And then forgive yourself and move forward knowing that you know better now. Right? So these are critically important. And so when I started to work with people the end of life and saw how powerful this this tool forgiveness was, there are things that I didn’t even really remember because you can push things so far down. I really started wanting to do an inventory and I really wanted to say, Ooh, I think I need to forgive more in that situation. And it wasn’t easy. I’m gonna tell you something, it wasn’t easy and it took, it took time, It took time and I kept going back to it and I kept again doing my practice using my tools. And one day I was able to, to feel that there was a complete shift When I thought of that scenario, what my body was reacting like that I could see it in a whole different way that I knew that I had released the, the energetic drain from it, the anger, the, the, all of the confusion that came upon that.

(39:54):

And what it did was it again made my life so much more open and I was pretty open in heart, but I still had these blocks, I still had things I was carrying around. We all do. When I was able to really utilize that, it really created almost a, a palette of just love that you could design your life and enjoy every nuance of it. There was nothing that kept bubbling up or there was nothing in the back shadows that was, oh well remember that, you know, you gotta remember you still were, you know, hurt there and still angry about that, which again is part of the story that we tell ourselves when we have that stuck energy. So it really freed me up and I absolutely believe that this is directly related to the beautiful, beautiful platform of doula givers international that we have been able to build because of this palette of just love connection service, wanting to be present and utilizing the tool of forgiveness to be able to make that as robust and high vibrational as possible.

(41:03):

Absolutely believe that that is a huge part of it. So let’s talk about what you can do to offer forgiveness for yourself. Number one, you want to make a conscious choice that you wanna forgive. If you’re not ready, that’s fine. This is only about you and this is, there’s no judgment here. So there have been people that we’ve done workshops and they’ve said, Well he doesn’t deserve forgiveness. You could see it so raw, right? It’s so, it’s so still triggering reactive and that’s okay. What I do want to explain to people is again, how this works. Cuz sometimes when you explain it and you say the forgiveness is not for somebody else, it’s for you kind of changes the way they’re looking at it, right? And if I knew that, wow, if I’m plugged into something that’s consistently draining me and I, I I and I alone have the power to unplug that, boy am I gonna do that.

(41:58):

So it can really, the perspective can be totally empowering. So number one, make the conscious choice that you wanna forgive and you wanna forgive for you. Then number two is you wanna choose your tool. Forgiveness is not a word. It’s not something that I say, okay, I forgive you and we’re done. That’s not how it works. It’s not that simple, it’s not that hard, but it’s not that simple. So there are definitely tools that you wanna use, techniques that you wanna use, you wanna find one that resonates for you and you wanna do that tool consistently and over and over until again you reach that point where you have detached from the reactive, energetic, um, thread that binds you from that unforgiveness, shame, guilt, whatever that is. And you’ll know when, when you have that, but it takes some time. So that’s number two. And then number three, you wanna be consistent in your practice again, until it’s achieved.

(42:51):

So I want to share with you today, again that end of life patients, what they say about forgiveness, what they want you to know, that there’s no judgment, that we all have things to forgive, that we all have, um, things that we need to be forgiven for. And that every single experience was an opportunity, was a gift for your soul growth, for your evolution of consciousness in this human body, in this journey. So if you think about it as a gift and we start looking at it that way, that we can reconnect to a stronger connection with that soul part of us through that experience, through what happened. That is a gift, right? Because the stronger we have our connection, the more joy, the more light, the more beautiful this experience is. So you want end of life patients want you to know that. And then of course, we want to be aware of how unforgiveness is now a medical diagnosis and how it is impacting not only your mental state, but your physical state as well.

(43:55):

So across the board it is so important for you to understand how forgiveness can change everything in your life, everything, everything including the state of your health. And then number three, we want you to understand that you and you alone are the only one that can make the choice to unplug where that forgiveness is needed and draining you. And that there are simple techniques and tools that can help you to get there. So love you so very much and want you to know that this is is absolutely life changing. And with that, I want to invite you, we have a free webinar that is the forgiveness workshop. If you want to go further, if you wanna learn again more about how you can achieve forgiveness in your life, why it’s important, hear more stories about forgiveness, it’s just so beautiful. I want you to just, there’s a link below you can join.

(44:52):

It’s an absolutely beautiful webinar. People have said the most incredible things about it. So if you wanna take this a step further, then please join me. And if you have any questions, please leave them below. I’ll be happy to answer each and every one of them. In my heart of hearts, I know that every single person should be in needs to practice forgiveness. It is the key to an extraordinary life. Thank you so much for being here. This is Ask a Death Doula. My name is Susan O’Brien and I’ll see you in the next episode. Thanks everybody.

 

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